The experience of any parent returning to work after the birth of a newborn can be complex and multifaceted, full of a mix of emotions, adjustments, and challenges. As a male within a same sex couple here are some of my experiences.

First and most importantly for me was the new joy and pride I had, especially as I had been off work for 9 months and in a pandemic to be with my son. I was apprehensive about returning however I was also keen to share the realities of being a new parent. It had been my world for nearly a year and being a dad was now my main priority in life. 

Of course there were other feelings of guilt and anxiety about being away from my son and my partner. However knowing that my partner would also be off for 9 months (due to shared partial leave) as I returned made it a lot easier. What also helped was being up front and having great conversations with my employer, on how I wanted to return, in what capacity and how they can support me to transition back into the workplace, which was very different to the one I left (pre pandemic). 

In the earlier months balancing the demands of a newborn at home with work responsibilities lead to increased stress and fatigue. I was torn between being a dad, partner and now on top of this, my leadership role. What helped me was talking to colleagues who have been in a similar position before and also not trying to be the same version of myself I was before, as a lot had changed even me! 

One big change I was able to make was to work 4 days, which meant I could have focused time at work but also have quality time with our son. Something so simple, like this, clicked straight away and I got the life/work balance I needed. And even 4 years on, 3 roles and 2 organisations later it still works for us as a family. 

What I found really quickly was that colleagues and leaders were interested in ‘my story’. As many individuals today, people's journey to parenting can take different routes. Ours was surrogacy, which is not a topic that people know much about. I had this sense of pride but also a ‘role’ that I took it upon myself was to educate and inspire others about how I became a dad whether this was in Employee Resource Groups (ERGs), through my role in EDI or through allyship leader conversations, which really motivated me and gave me a sense of duty. 

One of the biggest changes then came later that year when our son started nursery and my partner returned to work. How was this going to work? Is it right to put our son into nursery 9 hours a day? All the questions that I asked myself - I was worried. However what it came down to was effective communication with my partner, employer and our support network. Parenting duties and support needs are crucial to manage household and work responsibilities effectively and even though it took another 3 months to get in a groove, we got there. 

The experience of myself as a male parent returning to work after the birth of a newborn involved navigating a range of emotions and social challenges. Supportive workplace policies, effective time management, strong communication, and advocacy for better parental support significantly improved my transition. And yes everyday is a challenge however it is the most rewarding role ever. 

For further information on supporting working parents returning to the workplace take a look at our free resource.

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