I used in-correct pronouns when referring to someone, does that make me a bad person? 

Firstly, to understand the implications of ‘mis-identification’ we must understand what pronouns are and how they are used. 

Pronouns, in relation to gender and identity, are words (or phrases) you substitute for nouns (i.e. their name) that an individual wishes to be used when referring to them. Many of us are already familiar with the gender identity pronouns; she/her, he/him and potentially they/them. However, there are many more pronouns that someone may use such as Ze, Zir, Xe that may differ from how they present or have previously presented. 

We are told that we must respect a person's identity, which many of us have all intentions of doing, however, when we live in a society where someone's presentation may not match their identity, it can be easy to assume a person's pronouns with no ill-intentions. Or, it is also common to refer to someone as sir or madam in a working environment with the intention of showing respect. 

So, if you unintentionally use in-correct pronouns, are you a bad person? 

The simple answer is no. 

Although, there are many videos circulating that would like you to think that by unintentionally mis-gendering someone upon an initial interaction or even using the in-correct pronouns during a conversation is abhorrent. There is a difference between making a genuine mistake and actions intended to cause harm. 

Again, we come back to our previous discussion; 

“How can anyone wish to progress if you are not allowing an opportunity for them to learn? 

Is it ok to say the wrong thing? Yes. 

Is it ok to have a different perspective? Yes.”

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What is also ‘ok’ is to not use pronouns. Just as using pronouns is a personal choice/preference, so is choosing to not use pronouns. Many people and businesses share pronouns as a way of showing solidarity and allowing everyone to express themselves; however, it is also perfectly acceptable to not introduce yourself using pronouns. 

It is important to allow people the freedom to express themselves in whichever  ways they feel comfortable, whilst giving people the opportunities to learn about experiences and realities that are different to their own. 

‍Unintentionally using in-correct pronouns does not make you a bad person, despite what many videos may have you believe. It is better to make a mistake and learn from it than to fear making mistakes and never giving yourself or anyone else an opportunity to learn. We must continue to allow ourselves learning opportunities and the freedom to be curious, express ourselves and opinions without fear of judgement. 

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Further Reading; 

‍Pronouns: Becoming more conscious around language

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